jump to navigation

How It All Began September 1, 2008

Posted by astridjohnson in Love, Poetry.

On 2nd September I met Mark Johnson for the second time, at the Proms. That was the day we fell in love and both our lives changed irrevocably. He is an accomplished pianist and has a beautiful blog with daily music improvisations. The next day we met for lunch and he asked me to write a poem everyday, which he would publish on his blog (very romantic, a friend told me, and I think I got it then). Ultimately he is encouraging much more than writing poetry, he is encouraging me to express my creativity, and in some sense to come out. So, here we are. Now I am sometimes writing poetry, not necessarily every day, about love. It makes sense, I experienced a lot of it.


Poem: 3rd September 2008


Listening without radio

Listening without radio,

To the rustle of trees and sluggishly slurring server,

An entire symphony within, full for no reason.

I am a finder.


From the piece about love – Falling in love slows things down, speeds them up and sharpens awareness. Everything becomes precious. It opens ears to hear sounds you have been closed to because of the ongoing internal monologue and wilful distraction. It has the same effect as meditation; you are more alert to what is occurring outside and within. (And you are high as a kite of course and have to write poems.)

I might as well have said: I found you, Mark, and my love to you and your love to me is filling me up. And I am stating to myself and the world that I have found you, because things only get really interesting when we have found. This is where the stories begin, where you start to create and play. Searching is an important part, mostly a painful and arduous undertaking. You can get addicted to searching and be lost forever. That is why it is important to boldly acknowledge that you have found.

It is interesting, people I showed this passage to related mostly to finding/constant and never ending searching. I was taught about finding by Andrew Cohen, my former spiritual teacher, and he made sure we, his students,  understood that we were finders, because something gets set into motion and you move forward from then on. So I am used to this concept in the spiritual domain. I was intrigued to find that it applies also to the interesting and often fraught area of romantic/sexual relationships. Now it seems it only makes sense to be in relationship when know you have found, on a very deep level. In these first few days of having met a lot of communication happened. On the 4th September I told Mark, in plain prose, after he told me that he wanted to be with me, that on that first day I had gone to sleep, totally at ease, knowing that I had “found”, not from a place where anything was lacking. That is the surprising and precious event: this abiding love affair of ours is a precious gift on top of everything else!


No comments yet — be the first.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: