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Do not Fear the Mundane January 15, 2009

Posted by astridjohnson in Love.
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“Immer noch scheint es mir unglaubhaft, daß ich beides habe kriegen können, die ‘große Liebe’ und die Identität mit der eigenen Person. Und habe doch das eine erst, seit ich das andere habe. Weiß aber nun endlich auch, was Glück eigentlich ist.”

Hannah Arendt to her husband Heinrich Blücher, 1937

Roughly this translates, as “It still seems unbelievable to me, that I could have gotten both, ‘big love’ and self-identity. I only have the one since I have the other. And, at last, now I know what happiness really is.”

Ok, this is still, unashamedly, mostly about my relationship. You could call it a young relationship; we are together since four and a half month now.

Here some stats. In December my beloved decided to move to London. He prepared the move for Christmas time. We discussed and thought that his daughter is actually too young for him to move away. I decided to relocate from London to Manchester for a few years, until we are able make further plans. He got a flat for us in Manchester before Christmas and moved in at the beginning of this year. As soon as I have a job in Manchester to cover the basics I will be joining him, hopefully not later than March. I will not look for a job in my profession as a creative artworker. I will look for something else and I do not know yet what that will be. Big changes: I am changing my profession and I will live, for the first time, alone* together with a partner. (*alone meaning not in a context of community living)

There is fear of the mundane, boredom, middle class trappings and confinements, inherent in unpacking the fantastic vegetable knife my sister gave me or in putting together the obligatory furnitures from a shop of Swedish origin. Ultimately this is the fear of loosing myself. But who is that self that might get lost?

No, that is not what is going on. I found “big love” and I am encouraged and supported to develop aspects of myself that are screaming to be expressed and lived. My life will be more paced, allowing some breathing space and the taking of concrete steps to close a gap between very high expectations to make a significant contribution to this life and actually coming out of the shadow. There is trust. This is the vision, and there is plenty of room for the mundane, including the fear of it and embracing it.


Poem: 15th January



If there is truth in wine
then this tot will open the doors of perception.

A sip of velvety heat will bridge declared intention and counter volition.
The smallest drop is showing me the veridicality of all my dreams and hopes.




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